My Hair is Almost Gone!

Last night I cut my hair! Actually my husband did. I decided I wanted to be the one that decidedwhen and how I would loose my hair. So, I devided my hair in 4 bundles and made braids out of them (Snoop Dog style!). Hubby came after that and cut the 4 big braids off. After that we got the machine out and with clipper number 2, he chopped it off! I feel I have lost 3 pounds of hair in 5 minutes!!!
No crying, no thinking it twice, no regrets... Just do it! I feel much better.. A lot of white hair under all of it!!! WTF !!!!
Next chemo teraphy next Tuesday. Tony's graduation from Pre-K last night. And after that he helped cut my hair. Nomar's graduation will be on the 30th of this month. His dad is coming from Puerto Rico for some much needed quality tme!
I have a lot of extra time now, some times I get bored but am enjoying this ME time!

Chemo has Started....Now what???

I started chemo yesterday and I am feeling a little shaky and like I am losing my voice. I also have a headache and was not able to sleep all night. I decided to take my FMLA time starting on Monday. So I will be out of work for some time.. Time to cut expenses!!!
I am feeling really depressed about all this.. I can't stop asking myself..Why me??? I know I have to stop this but its easier said than done..
I feel I am losing control of my life and I do not enjoy it. While saying bye to people at work I was almost feeling I was not coming back... So weird...
But id the doctors are rigt, and I only have a year or 2 to live, I dont want to spend it at the agency. I love what I do, dont take me wrong and I have work hard to get to the position I have right now, but I prefer to spend the last days of my life at home with my family. Call me crazy!!!
It is hare for me to feel compasionate about other people that come into the agency asking for help, when here I am fighting for my life. Stage IV lung cancer!!! Can you believe this shit!!!!
I feel like screaming out loud: WTF ... WTF...WTF...