Angry at...

Someone asked me last week if I was angry... I responded with a "hell yeah!!!!". Now thinking back I ask myself why am I angry???
Growing up while in high school I used to get angry when a pimple surfaced on my face.. What the heck!!!! Same day I had a date or a party, always at important moments at high school.. Hey, I still get them at 43, and still get mad.. I thought these would go away after you get old???? Not me.. Not my pimples!!!! Yeap...Still show up once in a while!!!
I used to get angry when a car cut in front of me without a signal and yet it still happens... or when someone "steals" my parking at the mall.. I don't even own the damn spot!!!
I get mad at the kids when they get bad grades, not because they are dumb but because they don't give the extra effort... then I realized that not all of us can be a "genius" like I am (lol)....
Now, I get angry when I see people smoking... Look at me... Never smoked in my life and here I am with lung cancer! Now I wished I had smoked some pot or something back in the days... Maybe I wont feel so sorry for myself! But why I feel angry towards people that smoke?? Maybe because I blame them for my condition???... maybe because I ask myself why me and not them??? After all, they are the smokers!!!
Then something clicks in your brain and you realize that this could really happen to anybody... Like a pimple, a car cutting in front of you, or not-so-genius kids.. lung cancer can happen to anyone...

Does cancer hurt????

The C word... This is hard..Your mind starts playing games on you. Some people ask if I am in pain..Yes, I tell them..What do you think I just had surgery. I have 3 incisions on the side of my body and I had a tube coming out with fluids going into a box! What do you think?
But does cancer hurt? You bet. It hurts in ways that are not physical anymore...
That first diagnosis is like a knife into your heart, a slap in the face.... That first diagnosis? That's a punch to your stomach. Waiting for the results of a scan? Waiting for the doctor to call? Waiting for some lab test, patologist and the list goes on...??? It hurts in the middle of the night, when you're alone with your thoughts and your tears, and you have to deal with the idea that maybe, just maybe,you wont see your kids get married, have children, be happy! It hurts when something simple reminds you that you may not be around in a year..two years. It hurts when you think about the things you're going to miss.
But that's not the worst of it. Cancer affects everyone around you...You see it in the tears of a friend when you tell them. You see it in the eyes of your doctor who knows that in a few seconds, he has to give you bad news. You see it in the eyes of your loved ones, friends and family, who want so much to help, but can't.. What can they do? So to answer the question that I have been asked for several days now, "does cancer hurt?" Well, I haven't felt a thing — except for when it hurts so badly you can hardly stand it.
So now... what do you think????