I know it ha been a long time since I have written in this blog. I had my third chemo session and it was the worst of all of them. Put me in bed for almost a week!!! WTF I was miserable for very long. My whole body as weak, I had the worst nausea ever, and the depression was the worst part. f someone asked me how I was doing, I started to cry.. no control of it... just open the tear gates and they just flowed out.. I tried stopping them, believe me, but no luck.. once the gates where open they stayed open for a long, long time!!!
A PET scan was done after the second chemo and there are no changes to the tumors. So, its good and bad.. It has not spread anywhere else (good news).. Not shrinking(bad news).
Your mind can then be your worst enemy in these cases. That depression kicks in and you think of everything and anything... Don't worry.. I am not suicidal (at least not yet!).. but you start thinking and wonder it this cancer is just a punishment for all the bad that you have done in your life. I have not been a saint in this life, believe me, but who has????... I have done some bad things in my 40 something years...but I think I have done some good ones too..
I will say if there is a hell it is those 5 days after chemo... and still I know that I have more chemo to go... Another chemo on July 7th followed by 5 days of hell and then another PET scan. After that more chemo until its time.. time to be healed and go back to my routine, my job, my life... or time to go and see my mom which I miss so very much.
You also think about church... I feel I should go to church but then I feel like a hypocrite because I have not been in church in ages.... So why am I going now???? Very confused in this subject!
I do want to thank all the people that have come and help one way or another. Some people have brought some food over (I really appreciate it!!!), all the letters and cards I have received I have them all saved, so thank you.. It always brings a smile to my face! I aways say.. In times like this you know who your friends really are.
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go to church will help your remember what is bigger than cancer, bigger than a body part or a whole one, bigger than anything in this world. Church is the place we meet to renew our salvation, you should always make time to go to church, but if you didn't felt a call before, it's okay to go now. If you go just because you think you "have to go" then that will be being a hipocrit, if you feel that you want to go, because you need strenght, GO!!! you are no hipocrit.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better!!!
Rosana Betancourt
YES LISA GO to church but don't go thinking that you are a hypocrite anyway if you have not gone to church in ages that is ok now is the time cousin to go. Anyway the people at the church will help you understand and if not you will feel peace and not anger because of what is happenning to you. Besides I'm not saying that is wrong to be angry either you have the right to that but is not going to help you at all to feel angry. I will keep on praying and that for the next time you go to the doctor he can say to you your tumors have dissappear. Oh GOD listen to our prayers for our sister Lisa and lift her and cover her with your loving arms in Jesus I pray AMEN!!!ENNIE
ReplyDeleteHi dear friend:
ReplyDeleteI know that cancer's fight isn't easy. Im not cancer's pacient but I start living when my husband has cancer,actually now he is dead & I knew that he suffered a lot he was always mad depress sometimes happy hopeful that was a mix of feelings like everybody that maybe hasn't have cancer cause is normal in our live. In my opinion i think you need go to the church no one is most better & important that God and Also God is love peace mercy so he never considered as a hypocrite. I remember a figther Lisa a excellent women that always smile have fun & remember this figth its for you not for anybody just for you. Im sure that soon you talk about cancer like a another experience in your life. I only want to say you im here for you and start today you always be in my prayers. The Most important things is my husband teach me to fight to have faith and hope until the last minute.His cancer was genetic and five years later he died,I know you're going to survive and that will make many happy years you'll have next to yours .God blessyou
with love,
Velda
Now is the time to live! Do whatever you want to do! Go to church, don't go to church! Cancer is your opportunity to know that this life is your journey and it doesn't matter what ANYONE else thinks. People who criticize are just trying to cover their own insecurities. You will win this fight if you believe. It's ok to feel sad but know that this is part of your journey and conentrate on your future! I look forward to reading about your future!
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