It has been a looong time since writing in this blog. I have been sooo depressed lately but a lot of things have happened. I had a port put in for the chemo. It was one of those outpatient mini surgeries. They do a small insicion above your right breast to insert the round object. Another small insicion in your neck next to your main artery or vein (not sure!). It looks like the picture in the side of this blog. So, when I go for chemo treatments they can go to that one spot and save my veins from my hands and arms. I will continue with chemo every 3 weeks for the rest of time or until i dont want to do it anymore, or my body is not able to tolerate it. It is sooo weird because you can see it through my skin and if you touch it you can actually feel the tube and all. It also comes with a serial number!!! Just in case I get lost, I guess! lol
I just did a CTscan today. I have been having some excrusiating pain in my stomach, i think they are ulcers but who knows! Hopefully is not the cancer that has spread. We will know tomorrow.
Tony, my 5 year old, started Kindergarden!!! And my other son which is 17, started his senior year in high school! Not sure how that happened but whatever! So, for Tony in Kindergarden every time the kids do something wrong they make them pull a stick from a basket, after 3 sticks in a day they send them to the principal's office. In the first 15 days of school, Tony pulled sticks on 10 days!!! WTF ....
So, things are not going so hot! So, I emaile dthe teacher to introduce myself and let her know that now that I have nothing to do all day, I would love to volunteer my time and help out, be a parent helper, or whatever they call it these days, I also explained my condition to her about the cancer and all that. Her response to me was, and I quote, "that explains his behavior"!!!!!????? WTF ????? He is 5 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is he the only one pulling sticks from the darn basket????? And dont get me wrong, I know shit like this happens, I took several phychology classes in college, but come on.. seriously!!!???
I am also having serious issues regarding my family! I wonder what would have happened if it was teh other way around?? What if one of my brothers or sisters were diagnosed with cancer?? How would I have reacted??? Would I just do the same and never call, or visit, or give a shit????? Dont they realize that i could be gone tomorrow???? I just hope that if/when I die, they are not hipocrits that cry a river and scream out loud... Why??? WHY??? WHy????
ok.. now I am beaing a little dramatic! lol
But, as all of you may know by now, you know who your true friends are when something like this happens. And I am so glad I know who my true family and friends are!!!
One more thing... my support group leader told us that if we wanted to buy something, just go for it.. just forget about the needs and wants and just go for it... what ever makes me happy... So I did! I went an bought a kobo ereader from Borders! I really wanted it that day, I really did... However, 10 days later, I still have not used it... Taking it back tomorrow.. never listening to my support group leader again!
Lisa! you know Im there for you! I love you cousin!
ReplyDeleteLisa this is Dennis Murphy, your fellow finalist in the "All Stars Among Us." As I told you I am a pastor and I have a large team of people praying for you and your family. I have gone through walking alongside people who have had to walk the same path as you are now. It is never easy on you or your family.
ReplyDeleteI can't explain why people are thoughtless or insensitive especially family members whom you assume love you. I can tell you that this is not a punishment from the Lord. You are a very good person who has lived your life making a difference in the lives of others. We are but human flesh and blood and disease and sickness just happens.
I would like to suggest a intensive study of the Book of Job. He went through many of the same feelings that you are. He was angry, questioned why, and flat out wanted to argue with God that he didn't deserve what was happening to him. I think the main point is that he never gave up on his faith in God and that it is alright to question God about the crisis in your life.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is only natural to go through the different emotions you are experiencing but try not lose the perspective that God loves you. There are many people that do too. Focus on that knowledge and draw strength from it. Like I said you have been a person who has always tried to make a difference in the lives of others and strive to be the same person you have always been. Try to remember every smile, every hug, every twinkle in the eye that you felt and witnessed as you touched the lives of people in need. Let those memories be your comfort and strength and let God's presence give you peace.
If you ever need to talk to someone please feel free to contact at any time day or night. My prayers are with you.
Pastor Dennis Murphy
So I just want to say that I love you tons but on some pd these post u are making us your family members look like horrible people or as if we don't.care about u or I have seen mom call u numerous amount of times to invite u to eat.or to simply stop.by and bring u a gallon of milk I cant say we are there every single day after u but we do try.to.call and check on u and so on and u.don't pick up and its rude just to show up at someone's house. I can't say much for everyone else but I can say for mom and I .. I love u tons and have a great time in Kansas city in your training
ReplyDeleteKarina: I am sorry that you are ofended by my comments or feel that I am making my family look like "horrible people", so I have a few thing to say. First of all (and most important), remember this is MY blog and the purpuse of this is to vent out my frustrations and for me to write how I feel, good or bad. Some people will like it and some people will not and that is ok... But I should be able to write how I feel and not be worried that if I write how I really feel someone will be offended. It defeats the purpuse. The same as you in FB, you say it like it is and you are one that gets super frustrated and mad when someone complains about how you talk or even how you spell, you never care who is going to like it or who might feel ofended. And I always liked that about you. In other words.. el que se pica porque aji come!!!
ReplyDeleteNOw, talking about the family issue.... You mentioned at the end of your comment that I do not pick up the phone. Have you or Lucy ever stopped and think for a moment that maybe I am so sick I cant even answer the phone?? I dont just have the flu... I have terminal cancer for crying out loud, I am undergoing chemo every 3 weeks in order to survive this. I am a week in bed without being able to even go downstairs to the kitchen after chemo, and after that 2 more weeks of dragging everywhere. Sometimes I dont take a shower in days because I cant get up! When I do start feeling better.. it's time for another round of chemo! Half of the time when I get back to myself, I dont even know who has called or who has visit. I can't even remember yesterday!
Honestly, I prefer that you do come and visit un-announce.. at least I do feel that my family cares. I know Lucy has called several times and twice has offered milk. Maybe she should just bring the milk, she is at chico's alot and I live in the same subdivision!!! At the same time I do understand that everyone has their own life and everybody is busy, so I dont expect everyone to be after me 24/7 either.
So, even though I do understand that you feel that I am trowing you and Lucy under the bus so to speak, you can't stop me from writing what my heart feels. And yes, I am sad, and I am hurt, and I am angry with some of my family members. Look at my dad, look at Chico.. They have never called me since the diagnosis in March.. and I have phone records to prove it to any of them that wants to challenge me on it. And no, I dont want people to feel sorry for me, this is not the purpuse of this blog.. this is just my account of the events in the middle of all of this. Like the movie... this is my party and I cry if I want to...Hope you understand.. and Bobby is taking Tony to the birthday.. and I love you too!
Ay coño, so glad we sped last weekend together, ( and be conejo de india) ja ja and I don't have to apology true FB or your Blog keep writing and saying whatever you want COñO, q. se joda, I LOVE YOU. By the way thanks to Pastor Dennis for his comment, I loved
ReplyDeleteThanks for the picture of the port! I always wondered what it looked like....
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and hope you're having a good week. Just after chemo, so hopefully you're feeling better by now...
Michelle
Just stopped by to tell you that I love you.
ReplyDeleteThat is all.
MROD