Someone asked me last week if I was angry... I responded with a "hell yeah!!!!". Now thinking back I ask myself why am I angry???
Growing up while in high school I used to get angry when a pimple surfaced on my face.. What the heck!!!! Same day I had a date or a party, always at important moments at high school.. Hey, I still get them at 43, and still get mad.. I thought these would go away after you get old???? Not me.. Not my pimples!!!! Yeap...Still show up once in a while!!!
I used to get angry when a car cut in front of me without a signal and yet it still happens... or when someone "steals" my parking at the mall.. I don't even own the damn spot!!!
I get mad at the kids when they get bad grades, not because they are dumb but because they don't give the extra effort... then I realized that not all of us can be a "genius" like I am (lol)....
Now, I get angry when I see people smoking... Look at me... Never smoked in my life and here I am with lung cancer! Now I wished I had smoked some pot or something back in the days... Maybe I wont feel so sorry for myself! But why I feel angry towards people that smoke?? Maybe because I blame them for my condition???... maybe because I ask myself why me and not them??? After all, they are the smokers!!!
Then something clicks in your brain and you realize that this could really happen to anybody... Like a pimple, a car cutting in front of you, or not-so-genius kids.. lung cancer can happen to anyone...
After debating for a long time (and waiting for the Cancer Treatment Center in Tulsa to call me back with some news or the chemo pill sthey had offered) I have decided to stay in Missouri for my cancer treatment. I will be going to the Siteman Cancer Cenrer 2 minutes from my house. I was there today and they gave me a B12 shot and order some folic acid pills to start today.
ReplyDeleteI will start chemo next Monday. I am happy that something is happening and that I am doing something for this cancer. I feel I have no control of my life and I need to have some type of control back. Not sure what to expect next week but I whatever it is, I want to be able to be close to my friends and family.
I am glad that my friend Mona recommended the Cancer Treatment Center in Tulsa, I am glad I had the chance to go for a second opinion ( a lot of people dont have that chance) and I am happy I was able to go spend some time with her.
I am ready for the next chapter in this scary book.
Lisa, are those your lungs on the x-ray pic?
ReplyDeleteSiteman is a great place to go, the people there are very nice! What a plus to have it near your home. Some people travel many miles for treatment. Try to get a seat by the big window to look outside.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you always,
Michelle